Grown now, I think I have to admit there’s no specific rule of living. How to live, how to look like (supposedly) , how to just be. Granted, society dictates a lot. But over time we have asked ourselves who society is, right? And deep down, we have known the answer all along. It’s just mere people minding their own business and minding much more about those of others’ they don’t know. Right?
We learn best from the worst of experiences. And so I decided it was high time I wrote a list of life hacks for my daughters and eventually turn it into a book. More like life lists they gonna read one day and realize life was never meant to be that serious. That we can just live freely with no hard expectations but our own. That success should be all in your mind and competing with your own set goals. More of little wise snippets about life and the hacks that go along with it. Basically, what I have gathered within my short life.
- The Crowd; Avoid this like the Corona Plague. If and when you can, darlings, run for the hills at the slightest chance you get. Majority are always wrong. And just because they are all going left, that does not mean they are always right. Lots of pun, but you gerrit 😉
- Goals: As different as people are, so are our life goals. We all have different ones. What is that you feel you need to achieve? Do that. That’s that. Jealousy vibes may come along. But you win when you stick to your own path. Just as we are born and die separately, that’s the same way our goal-destiny paths are…Different!
- God: Pray, develop a connection with the Supreme being, whoever it is, that’s for you to discover. And whether God is a man or woman, exists or not, have a relationship with him/her, it’s always wise to be safe than sorry. You lose nothing anyway by following the ways of the holy books. Read the main books and choose what appeals to you. Avoid religious cults. Think on your own and let your conscience lead you into spiritual paths.
- Love; There’s no rule here. Love is simple. The heart and mind should be on the same page always. If you smell a rat, then you are probably right. There’s a dead one at the kitchen counter, huny! You can also date/marry a man for years and still fill alone. Don’t! There’s nothing written on stone. Love whoever you want and leave at your own convenience. Never be sorry for leaving. It’s your heart and life anyway.
- Family; Whatever you do, never lose them. Keep your family closer and your sister closest, you are just the two of you and she is probably the only blood relative you will spend your most years on earth with. Reach out to relatives who reciprocate your love. Call those old grannies, visit your ageing uncles, send gifts and flowers, send lovely texts. Forgive. That’s blood, it chose you. BUT, know your place in people’s lives and act accordingly. Don’t force bonds that don’t want to bond. You are not a magnet. Know when to leave and be quick to tell when they cut you off. Life is short and there are many things to be done.
- Books: Read them. Know things. Keep your mind updated. Have a bookshelf of read books. If you can, learn as many things as you can.
- Culture: Know the ways of your people. Some may seem backward, but know them anyway. Ask and learn of your ancestral homes and way of life. Learn about other cultures so you know how to live with everyone without judgement.
- Write: List your goals down. You achieve them quickly when you know what you want and follow through priorities. It also feels good ticking your goal one list after another.
- Confidence: This is everything. Walk tall, look people in the eyes and speak your mind. An All-Yes-Woman is a weak woman.
- Silence: Know when to speak when. It’s not always that people need your opinion. Agree to disagree to avoid foolish arguments; even though you know you are right.
- Looks: Always look your best no matter your moods.
- Cleanliness: Always smell nice and put on clean underwear and bra. People faint.
- Hands on: Learn a few skills with your hands. Know how to fix/change a tyre, change bulbs, fix the leaking sink, sew a button…you will tend to survive and live better with these skills and you will not depend on someone else’s son for basic stuff.
- Friends: You don’t have to keep any if you don’t want to. But if you find a true one, keep them. Friendships are like relationships. They need cultivating. If you not into the job, keep alone. It’s more fulfilling.
- Me-Time: Learn to Love yourself. Have a lone vacation, sleep, read a book, watch a movie, get a hobby. So that when there’s no one to share with the good, you will be just enough.
- Secrets: If you don’t want the world to know, girl, Keep your own secrets.! Write them down and burn the paper.
- Date Outs: When you are invited on a date, make sure you order what you know and you have the money to pay for it.
- Character: Judge people on their behavior; not their looks, their race, religion or backgrounds. I learnt this from an English man on Twitter. 🙂
- Speak Out: Do not be an R.Kelly statistic (you will probably have to read about this). Call on creepy and touchy people. Do not compromise. Call the pervs and rapists out. Your body is yours, don’t let evil people define it.
- Learn an African Language: Learn one African language apart from your mother’s. That’s more woke than learning French or German.
From my book excerpt, “Life: Hack Lists For My Daughters“
Regards, Carol 😉 .
OF MY AFRICAN MINDSET 
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